Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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