I just saw a hot homeless man
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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