I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
