did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
