mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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