what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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