Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
