you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
