i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
