If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
