She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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