i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
