Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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