Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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