Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
