We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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