so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
