I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
