we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
