I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
