i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
only you would photoshop your dick
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
