im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
