We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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