Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
