Christians are straight up FREAKS
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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