I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
