I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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