and you said cock pushups were impossible
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
