tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
