I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
