Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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