Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
