its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
