this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
