Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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