'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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