Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
