Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
