Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's just like the Real World with babies
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hippo gnu deer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am one with the molecules
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
