I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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