my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
