That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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