we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is Oprah even human
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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