My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
