Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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