Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
