Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
