ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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