I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
