Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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