Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
