It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
