I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
