Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize