So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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