I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
