yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
