Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
