Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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