Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
