then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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