I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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