I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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