I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize