i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
