It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
