i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
