I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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