If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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