If that was your dad, he is hot
I cannot find my penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
