Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize