I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
