isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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