I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
