I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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