I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
