its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
