I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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