Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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