I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
