Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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