Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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