OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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