better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
