I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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