i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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