This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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