Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
