How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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