I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
