I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
MIDGETS
????
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize