i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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