You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
