so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
