the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
