The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
