omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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