How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize