I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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