Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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