I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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