The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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