are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
