i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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